its not stalking. its research.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
