i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
im on a boat
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