I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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