If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
