Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
