Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
