I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I will die if light touches me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
