if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
