All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
