You smell like stripper and shame
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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