Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
