I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
