Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
