Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
