Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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