I'm gonna have a badass scar
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
