Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
