i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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