the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
