Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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