you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
