I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
