It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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