New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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