I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
