someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
