I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
