I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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