is your mom at the bar?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
