The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
