Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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