Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
