ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
