i think my mom watched the whole time
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
