i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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