in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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