I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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