I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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