omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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