yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
