So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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