Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
