and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
NoShamevember. You game?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
