i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
