Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
