Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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