man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
