In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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