you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
