I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
