he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
time to smoke my breakfast
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
