we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
