Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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