I can text with my tongue
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I could have mohawked her pubes.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
