Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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