Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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