he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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