Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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