It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize