6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We are all done wearing pants today
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
