K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
