Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
